Jumper (2008)
Director: Doug Liman
Starring: Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Rachel Bilson, Jamie Bell
Primary genre: Science fiction
Secondary genre: Action
Jumper had a fantastic trailer despite its silly sci-fi premise; the Moving Mountains track from Two Steps from Hell in combination with some slick shots made this science fiction flick look like a lot of fun. Yet, this $85 million actioner directed by genre veteran Doug Liman (Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005), The Bourne Identity (2002)) is as anemic as they come, burdened by a terrible script that makes Hayden Christensen one of the most unlikable protagonists in recent memory.
Its plot is as vague as its lead who, within a few minutes of screentime, abandons his father and begins robbing banks to cater towards a hedonistic lifestyle. But hey, we are told that “I was young” as a flimsy excuse to inflict pain and irreparable damage on other people’s lives. And damage he does cause both literally (every time he teleports, things go boom or crack) and emotionally; from stalking his high school sweetheart to inserting himself into her life, David is a douche of epic proportions taking zero responsibility for his actions, wreaking havoc everywhere he goes because dear mommy abandoned him when he was young.
“I told you I’m different. I could have dropped you with the sharks”
You can’t fault the audience though for siding with the Paladins, a cult-like organization that desires to wipe out jumpers from the face of our planet due to being religious fanatics. Three talented screenwriters (Simon Kingberg (Sherlock Holmes (2009), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)), David S. Goyer (Blade (1998), Batman Begins (2005)), and Uhls (Fight Club (1999)), however, do not offer any evidence of why we should care for all of this. When your flick has barely any dramatic depth to stand on and plot holes larger than Grand Canyon, it is hard to stay awake. The stakes are extremely low, the protagonist unlikeable, and only Jamie Bell as another seasoned jumper stands out but with such a small amount of screentime he could be easily cut from the already short film altogether.
Liman manages to conceive some cool action shots but the action overall is lackluster at best and messily executed especially during an anticlimactic finale that has to be seen to be believed. Liman does not even make use of famous monuments (Shibuya Crossing, Colosseum) with underwhelming cinematography wasting his cast. Samuel L. Jackson sleepwalks in his white hairdo while Rachel Bilson is one of the worst written romantic characters in cinematic history bearing zero growth who will follow a person she has not seen for a decade across the globe because he is hot.
Jumper might have a big budget, a solid group of actors, and lots of famous locations but everything is stale, and bankrupt creatively. Jumper is the worst of the 2008 blockbusters going toe-to-toe with M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening which had some sort of playful value within its own awfulness. Jumper though is just plain awful.
Jumping into the awful category
+Spot the famous landmark
+Good cast
-Terrible writing
-Horrible protagonist
-Subpar acting
-Banal action